Kensington Gore Publishing are proud to announce the release of CELEBRITY CHEF ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE.
The book opens with the introduction to a downtrodden Marlborough smoking employee of an obscure TV channel. I anticipated his tyrannical boss would get eaten. To save his floundering job Robert conspires to bring back to life the celebrity chef from a cooking programme recently brought by his TV Company. HOW?! With the Lazarus engine, a scientific creation of Roberts’s uncle who is rather usefully a professor. It would be a crowd pleaser programme, an instant success with the viewers, think Hell’s Kitchen but Gordon is dead.
Uncle and nephew revive the chef who is impressively loquacious for a zombie. He is also very hungry, and without spoiling the plot things take a downturn from that point. You quickly empathise with characters that are in my opinion ingeniously named. For example a zombie named Floyd Rampant…The name of my next child. Throw in some dubious unsavoury characters, a police woman who does well not to vomit, a reverend, the P.M. and a plethora of other characters who may or may not survive and you have a book that is easy to fall into and a narrative will make you hoot. The author uses simple but really tantalising descriptive, ‘a lather of excitement’. That kind of thing makes me happy. If you are offended by the odd swear and biting humour this is not for you. It’s a dark comedic horror so is also not bedtime reading for your five year old and combines cooking and Zombies so needless to say it gets rather squelchy and gory.
Don’t read whilst eating.
You will all want to read the book ‘How to Kill a Zombie Dead Quick’ especially if you live in Huddersfield. Bon Appétit.
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I clumsily stumbled into the mummy blogging community; vulnerable, confused and grammatically feeble. I have been welcomed with wit, warmth and a plethora of commentary focused on carbohydrates and phallic mushrooms. I have found more support in two months that I ever could have imagined. They make me laugh and are there if I cry.
When my son was small I staggered into baby group and made a lovely bundle of mummy friends, who did not give a flying froggy that you didn’t have a bra on. We watched our children grow and whilst we all had our own approaches to parenting we muddled through together. Moving away I miss them and life being a busy tirade of happenings we rarely get to meet up and I admit I am a terrible texter so need to do more to keep in contact.
Those parents saved my sanity. Lonely in a new city I befriended some amazing parent bloggers and forgot that some people can be unkind, judgemental and cold. I understand in the world not everyone is built to be your friend but my lovely fluffy unicorn time in social media world made my experience the other day harder.
Tuesdays my son goes to gym class, where on occasion he is attacked by seagulls. I drive straight from work, to school to gym. I am tired, clothes wrinkled and often plastered in whatever snack Leo has in the car. I gave up on wearing make up to work ages ago…too busy wrestling Leo into his school uniform in the morning. Post gym my son is a sweaty, scarlet cheeked state. He bounds out barefoot in shorts and t shirt, I scoop him in my arms and we gallop to the car with his water bottle dribbling down my back.
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It gives me great pleasure to introduce Zara @ZaraELewis as a guest blogger on The Parenting Jungle. This lovely lady is also a regular contributor on highstylife.com and we love her easy, engaging style of writing. She shares some great tips on how to become a healthier and happier family…I am trying to follow her ‘Let it Go’ tip (sung in tune to Disney’s Frozen)…
Image source: Flickr
Even though today’s era of hectic lifestyle doesn’t leave us much choice when it comes to healthy habits and life in general, there are certainly some ways to live to the fullest and improve your family’s well-being. Here are ten decisions you need to make in order to live a stress-free and active life, so check them out.
Switch to an Organic Lifestyle
Switching to an organic lifestyle is one of the easiest ways to improve your family’s health and overall well-being. Organics are highly beneficial for you because they are free of toxins that can affect your health even more than you think. Give your kids the best and go green immediately!
Quit Smoking Right Now
Aside from obvious medical reasons, you should quit smoking because of your children – studies show second-hand smoking is particularly harmful for them, since it causes respiratory infections, asthma, and many other diseases. Have this in mind the next time you want to light a cigarette!
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I read the parenting sleep books. I brought a lavender mist bottle. I haven’t had a full night’s sleep in five years, one month and nineteen days. Since the dawn of time parents have been sitting gritty eyed, infant on lap, trying desperately to get them to doze off.
During my time as a mummy I have read so much about ‘training’ your baby or child to sleep. I am not a fan of the word train…a bit too clinical and what I do with my cat. Train your baby or child to use the litter tray. Train them to walk off the leash.
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‘Babies shouldn’t sleep on their front’ I was told many sleepless nights ago…my son can’t sleep on his front, side, back, in the light, in the warm. He can’t sleep when the monster that lives in the cupboard is talking to him or when he needs a late night sandwich with the crusts cut off. Or when his hair hurts.
We tried hot milk. We put on classical music and audio cd’s but he just played imaginary cello and laughed himself crimson listening to Roald Dahl.
We tried extending his awake periods. Epic fail, if I keep him up later than seven I get a bundle of Spiderman onside wearing hyperactivity that soon slips into tears and gets ‘tangry’ (tired-angry).
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Motherhood, whilst it stumbles along slowly in those first few exhausted weeks has flown by for me in a haze of being; being patient, being tired, being proud, being angry, being loved. My son is five, five, I have to catch my breath form the storm of emotions that number brings forward in my chest.
I blinked for a moment…
My beautiful son is confronting the years with delighted gusto whilst I hastily try and hold onto the time we have together, it falls through my fingers like fine sand. I am still skipping through being a ‘tryer’ and a ‘coper’..I wake daily to my mummy role more confident with the fact I don’t have all the answers. The idea of a ‘perfect’ mother has long been put on a high shelf with the dusty parenting books and although the thought of her still unnerves me she no longer stands next to me in the mirror to compare to. You cannot compare yourself to fiction.
I was thinking what advice would I give to new mummy me, how frightened and overwhelmed she was, how determined and vulnerable. So I wrote this post for the first time mothers who rely on Google and calling their own mothers at two am, and the seasoned mothers that will remember and nod that gave their reassurance and wisdom so generously to me.
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I have never kept a diary and yet, started blogging because I found writing freeing, a cathartic means of letting go, of expressing my thoughts and feelings, black text on white pages granting me a different, clearer perspective on things. In simple if I have a shitty day writing about it with a cup of tea makes me breathe easier, promotes positive emotional wellbeing and makes me more mindful of myself. It is also healthier than comfort scoffing a snickers in 3 seconds.
‘I can shake off everything as I write; my sorrows disappear, my courage is reborn.’
— Anne Frank
When I was offered to review a guided journal created by Orsolya Hernold I jumped at the opportunity. It is a little different from the family friendly products I usually feature but this journal I picked for me, for my likes and wants. A journal will take my emotional outbursts with gentle silence and not criticise for my terrible grammar. I have a five year olds and therefore have a LOT of emotional outbursts to manage, both my own and his.
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This post is about a box, and a boy, and all the good things that came from it…
Seeing Leo running around the lawn grasping a box that was increasingly getting covered in grass stains led me back down the dusty memories of childhood; I found myself hit with a feeling of nostalgia. I was once a master of the imaginary game, my sensory world when I was little being mud, water and trees.
We are an adventurous family, love the outdoors, being active and doing things together but today’s children have a new element in their lives. Technology has an impact, there is no denying it and this post is not to argue for or against it; but I will say given the chance Leo would pick screen time over most other activities (we are strict with his time but understand it will be part of the currency of his life; as young as I feel I am yesterday’s child.)
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I have a father, obviously, it is a biological must for procreation. (Unless my mother is some kind of reproduction wizard, or is a biblical dungarees wearing miracle.) My dad and I don’t talk, are strangers in the street, created no sepia toned memories and he has never had the joy of seeing my son’s crooked smile.
My parents separated when I was a baby, my mum left the house with me and little else. We went back to my maternal family and he faded from my life swiftly after it had begun. I grew up in Powys amongst grass and sky, spending most of my time on a farm on a hill. I am ever grateful for having the childhood of a country girl, everything was outside, everyone was your friend or your family, and everywhere had a sense of security (except for electric fences, deep ponds and standing behind grandad’s horses.) As a child I did not know different and this green stage of childhood was unappreciated. As a teen I, of course, hated all of these things, but as a woman looking back across the years, I can only be grateful and glad.
When I was younger I don’t recall any apparent pangs of ‘missing out’, it was me, my mum and when I was six, my little brother (who is now six-foot-huge). I also have no memories of the time where his dad was with us, even when I scrunch my eyes and urge my brain to try. I learnt that father’s leave and that my mother could do everything. There is no anger left, time has taught me that parenthood is hard.
A grainy piece of 1994. Mummy and me.
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Welcome to my blogging life, it may need some refinement. .
Yes I doodled a badly proportioned me sitting on the toilet Tweeting. Classy.
1)The bathroom oddly enough is my social media headquarters. Though I don’t have a fluffy white cat to stroke. Good thing for the cat. I sit in that tiled room of blissful silence, perched on the loo (seat down) and have a quick scroll through Twitter. I retweet at speed. I get about four minutes before little hands tap on the door, ‘MUUUUMY are you pooing again?’ I think he believes I have bowel problems. Nope I just have no peace and quiet problems…Harassment problems…Five year old problems. The bath is a good place for reading, though the opportunity is a rare thing. It is risky practice, no one wants a submerged I Phone. I have to wait till Leo is doing his little snuffle-snore or he will wake up and try and climb in in his Spiderman onesie. Note: You have to put a towel by the bath as every half hour your screen gets too steamy to focus and you may end up Tweeting #hgfgsgjsfh.
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