I have been receiving so many lovely comments on my blog about how well I talk to my son, how beautifully and effortlessly I seem to explain things to him and yes, I really do try hard…but I do not want to lead you down a rocky path of pretence. I do bugger up a lot, sometimes I am too sleep deprived to be empathetic…like all of us I am not ‘mummy’ Teresa. We are all just trying to cope…so in solidarity to the ‘oops’ times I have listed my ten best, or depending how you look at it, worst, parenting fails.
I realised when my son was 2 weeks old all the things I said I would never do as a mum, I would do. Dummy, Tv, sugar, shouting etc…DONE IT
1.When I binge watch Netflix at night then pretend the internet does not work in the daytime when my son wants to watch the same episode of Paw patrol for the 100th time. At least we have moved on from Peppa pig.
2. When I force little man to stand by and at times sit upon the laps of unknown people in various itchy, likely smelly costumes and smile as I take photos whilst simultaneously instructing him to never talk to strangers. One year Santa was particularly terrifying and Leo held on to the door of the grotto and screamed…Not such a Merry Christmas.
3. When he was potty training and had successfully done a wee on the toilet, I went to delightedly high five him, I misjudged and basically just ended up with my hand missing his and pushing him into the loo. We now play it safe with ‘well-done’ stickers.
4. When I made him wear these outfits…and for when he gets his first girlfriend/boyfriend and I show them the pictures.
5. When I wheeled Leo in his buggy into a mannequin in a shop whilst trying to walk and rummage in my handbag for wet wipes. There were no mannequin related nightmares but I am prepared for this to be a phobia in later life.
6. His coordination. Genetic gifting of a run that will ensure Leo is mocked at sports day, will never be able catch a ball and even at the age of five his dance moves will be unnervingly dad like; I am a fan of the jellyfish move where you just shake everything.
7. When I made him put a glass over the spider on the floor as I stood on the sofa and freaked out.
8. Every time I say the sentence, ‘if you do not do (Insert instruction here) Santa will know and will not bring you presents this year.’
9. When I hide from my son in the bathroom… he now thinks I have a pooing problem. Worse than that, when I steal his Haribo and hide in the bathroom eating them and tweeting about how I am eating them.
10. The other day when Leo and I were playing shops and I was buying the shopping for three pence and after he had put my plastic egg and wooden bread in a bag said, ‘don’t forget your bottle of wine mummy’. Shame….shame…shame…
Come on its a safe space, share some of your moments or fails, parenting is not about perfection. Though I probably should cut back on the wine…