The kindness and unkindness of mummy’s.

I clumsily stumbled into the mummy blogging community; vulnerable, confused and grammatically feeble. I have been welcomed with wit, warmth and a plethora of commentary focused on carbohydrates and phallic mushrooms. I have found more support in two months that I ever could have imagined. They make me laugh and are there if I cry.

When my son was small I staggered into baby group and made a lovely bundle of mummy friends, who did not give a flying froggy that you didn’t have a bra on. We watched our children grow and whilst we all had our own approaches to parenting we muddled through together. Moving away I miss them and life being a busy tirade of happenings we rarely get to meet up and I admit I am a terrible texter so need to do more to keep in contact. 424077_10150865868224816_763215703_n

Those parents saved my sanity. Lonely in a new city I befriended some amazing parent bloggers and forgot that some people can be unkind, judgemental and cold. I understand in the world not everyone is built to be your friend but my lovely fluffy unicorn time in social media world made my experience the other day harder.

Tuesdays my son goes to gym class, where on occasion he is attacked by seagulls. I drive straight from work, to school to gym. I am tired, clothes wrinkled and often plastered in whatever snack Leo has in the car. I gave up on wearing make up to work ages ago…too busy wrestling Leo into his school uniform in the morning. Post gym my son is a sweaty, scarlet cheeked state. He bounds out barefoot in shorts and t shirt, I scoop him in my arms and we gallop to the car with his water bottle dribbling down my back.

We were going to friends for dinner so I thought I would quickly pop into M&S and grab some indulgent desert because I am no Mary Berry and have zero time to bake. I piggybacked Leo in and granted bare feet in a shop is not particularly hygienic but I kept him on my back, slowly strangling me for all three and a half minutes we were in there. Directed by my giggling rider we went and picked up some profiteroles (cream is healthy right?!). Two other mummies with little ones in buggies were next to us in the isle… they turned to look at Leo and I mid discussion about how we could chop up lots of lovely fruit with the roles and he began to phonetically sing ‘b-a-n-a-n-a-s’ to himself. They both did the gaze that travels from the bottom of your feet to the top of your head, a gaze that gives you goosebumps and leaves you feeling cold and flat in your stomach.

Fair enough we probably weren’t the most put together pair. People are entitled to opinions, we are a judgemental species, I am not perfect and I am sure I am guilty of not always being saintly. But then my lion, social butterfly that he is said from my back, ‘Hello we are buying pudding for my best friend she’s leaving to go to the France so we get to have chocolate.’

They ignored him and walked off…I felt like throwing one of the perfectly shaped wholemeal sunflower seed M&S bread rolls..


Would you ignore this face?!

I felt my mummy fangs start to sharpen, like an angry maternal vampire, then reluctantly tucked them back in.  I would not judge them on their actions but I did feel sad. Leo mumbled, ‘oh dear, are they not our friends’. I forced a smile in my voice and told him some people are shy or that maybe they wanted to be quiet because their babies were sleeping.

Parenting is hard. Why are parents sometimes so quick to judge other parents? We are all experiencing the same deep sea of under confidence, guilt, the more negative judgement the larger and more solid that unachievable ‘ideal’ notion of parenthood will become.

To those mums, I am sorry if you were tired, if you were having a bad day, if my life seemed too carefree and easy (it I not) But please next time, if you can, smile at my son. Or if cutting me down made you feel better for a moment then I understand. If you walked away to avoid judging us then I hope you did it with compassion.

We are all parents.

Though that said some people may have been arses before kids and still are after. (Darn it tried and failed to end with the moral high ground…)


Diary of an imperfect mum

  25 comments for “The kindness and unkindness of mummy’s.

  1. June 18, 2016 at 10:27 pm

    Gosh that makes me angry just to see it in writing! I would definitely have not bitten my tongue, sadly it’s a trait I’ve carried for a whole long time and got me in trouble on many an occasion. Nothing bites the way people affecting your child does. Good on you mumma for keeping your cool! I find M&S can be a breeding ground for these judgemental types but I love the food so I skip merrily through with my unquaffed hair and ignore them! When I can haha! xxx

    Liked by 1 person

    • June 21, 2016 at 11:17 am

      Haha I will join you with my unquaffed unbrushed hair! The try and root out the non regular M&S shoppers by not putting up isle signs lol…I did struggle too to be honest!xx

      Liked by 1 person

  2. June 5, 2016 at 11:57 am

    I’m sorry they were so unkind to you and little man! It’s just not fair that parents Judge each other strongly, when you’re all in the same boat together! You dealt with it with grace and dignity no! I would’ve said a few choice words! You also need to take from this situation is that you and little man were laughing, enjoying your time together, and he was kind and polite! He’s got that from you xxx #TribalLove

    Liked by 1 person

  3. June 4, 2016 at 1:49 pm

    Ha ha so true, some people are just arseholes and stay as arseholes! Seen plenty of that 😀 the worse is when they are arseholes to kids though, but I guess our kids will have to learn that some people just are naff!

    Liked by 1 person

    • June 5, 2016 at 8:19 am

      Least my little one learnt we respond kindly to unkindness though he almost learnt we throw bread rolls…x


  4. June 3, 2016 at 4:28 pm

    I think we’ve all been there and it feels horrible 😦 especially when we have to try and explain it to our kids. Kids generally don’t seem to have those issues, do they? They just see a kid in the playground and decide to be friends instantly. It’s a shame we lose that somewhere along the way. So glad to hear of the support you’ve found here. I have just started blogging and found the people super nice too:-) #ablogginggoodtime

    Liked by 1 person

    • June 5, 2016 at 8:06 am

      I think its hard because kids learn from adults and kindness is something I really encourage in Leo, luckily we were in a pudding isle so distractions were in abundance..xx


  5. June 3, 2016 at 4:15 pm

    back again to say you still rock and thanks for linking up with #ablogginggoodtime #triballove

    Liked by 1 person

  6. June 3, 2016 at 3:13 pm

    Ouch! That was horrid to read. People who are quick to judge are the worst and I think perhaps your empathic nature was a little too kind to their response .. no need and just unkind … poor Leo to have experienced that not from spiteful children in the playground but adults who should no better … oo I could go on and on! Big hugs and #triballove xx

    Liked by 1 person

  7. June 3, 2016 at 1:03 pm

    I am sorry your son was dismissed like that. I hate whe I am in a store and I am trying to teach my son manners and others are acting as they do. I politely say to him “and that is not how we act.” The other thing I hate is when people gush over my daughter and talking to her like she will answer. Then when my son says hi they turn away like he has the plague. The look of disappointment is so hard to watch. #ablogginggoodtime

    Liked by 1 person

    • June 5, 2016 at 8:02 am

      Oh that has made me really sad your poor little lad, we would have a shop conversation with him any day!xx


  8. Ky
    June 3, 2016 at 12:34 pm

    That’s terrible! Why did they have to be so rude?! They could have just smiled, and then walked away. I love it when other kids say stuff to me and Clem, I think it’s really cute. M&S profiteroles are amazing so good choice of pudding.x #triballove

    Liked by 1 person

    • June 5, 2016 at 8:00 am

      Ah yes pudding appreciation we would totally share with you! I love Clem’s name its soo gorgeous been thinking I have to tell you that for a while! Leo would happily chatter at you both!xx

      Liked by 1 person

  9. June 3, 2016 at 11:13 am

    I couldn’t agree more. I’ve had a few encounters in the past year that made me furious. My little Emma often cries when she’s tired or ovewhelmed – because she’s a bloomin baby!! – and some mums have mentioned how she ‘always’ cries. It makes me angry! I always think it’s so unnecessary and even if you’re tired, you should try and be kind to other parents who are doing an amazing job. Fantastic post xxx #triballove


  10. June 3, 2016 at 8:50 am

    I don’t blame you, I’d be fuming too. I’ll be honest, I don’t particularly like it when little children talk to me at the park or wherever because often they give out way to much information, and it makes me a bit uncomfortable, but I’d never just ignore them and storm off. It doesn’t take much to just acknowledge a child with a nod or a smile. Reading this actually made me really angry at those women. I hope you don’t run into them again x

    Liked by 1 person

    • June 3, 2016 at 9:15 am

      I totally get where your coming from when children just word vomit info but like you said you just smile and skip off..:) x


  11. June 3, 2016 at 7:55 am

    Think you’ve hit it on the head – some people are just arses, parents or not. You can only hope that their role as a parent will help them become a bit less arsed. Ignore, hope it didn’t knock you too much – it would have brightened my day to be talked to like that by your boy whether I knew you or not. Only trouble would be wrestling my son from away from someone willing to talk back to him…I’m constantly having to explain that not everyone likes a chat (or a hug) all the time etc etc. Xxxxx

    Liked by 1 person

    • June 3, 2016 at 9:14 am

      Haha I think are two would have a ball! I think Ii mas more upset for him bless his little cotton socks! My brain was whispering …just be a good example smile and breath smile and breathe..good parents do not throw food…’ xx

      Liked by 1 person

  12. beccatooth
    June 3, 2016 at 7:36 am

    You and Leo sound like SUCH cute pair galloping around! You certainly would have put a big smile on my face if I’d seen you. #ablogginggoodtime #triballove

    Liked by 1 person

  13. June 3, 2016 at 7:33 am

    Whadda see you next Tuesday is all I’m thinking here! Some people are just bad eggs! We loves ya!! #tribe

    Liked by 1 person

  14. June 2, 2016 at 9:40 pm

    Bastards I’ll cut them. Swear to God. You and your boy are wonderfully gorgeous… just the way you are as Mr Darcy would say.

    #triballove xx


  15. June 2, 2016 at 9:32 pm

    I am horrified by their response! How could parents who surely understand what it is like be so rude to a 5 year old?! It doesn’t matter if they were incorrectly judgemental or not why wouldn’t they at least smile or make a short polite comment back. It is in my world the ONLY acceptable thing to do. If spoken to politely then return politely. You don’t just ignore someone! I am completely outraged on behalf of you both and very sorry you had to experience such ignorance. Grrrrrrr 😡


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