A note to a new mother. Mum to a mum.

Motherhood, whilst it stumbles along slowly in those first few exhausted weeks has flown by for me in a haze of being; being patient, being tired, being proud, being angry, being loved. My son is five, five, I have to catch my breath form the storm of emotions that number brings forward in my chest.

I blinked for a moment…

My beautiful son is confronting the years with delighted gusto whilst I hastily try and hold onto the time we have together, it falls through my fingers like fine sand. I am still skipping through being a ‘tryer’ and a ‘coper’..I wake daily to my mummy role more confident with the fact I don’t have all the answers. The idea of a ‘perfect’ mother has long been put on a high shelf with the dusty parenting books and although the thought of her still unnerves me she no longer stands next to me in the mirror to compare to. You cannot compare yourself to fiction.

I was thinking what advice would I give to new mummy me, how frightened and overwhelmed she was, how determined and vulnerable. So I wrote this post for the first time mothers who rely on Google and calling their own mothers at two am, and the seasoned mothers that will remember and nod that gave their reassurance and wisdom so generously to me.

Come home and take a breath, the first day alone just my little Leo and me was a haze, he cried I fed him, he cried I rocked him, he cried I changed him, I cried and he slept. You spend nine months building to this moment and then suddenly there is you and a tiny person that relies on you for everything, and you sometimes have no clue what they want. I didn’t know how to bath him or how many layers he should wear…

I can’t recall that new baby smell, but do remember the silken feel of his skin, the tiny hairs and little fingers, the little blur sailor boat buttons on his white cardigan. It got pooped on and ruined. His fragile cry that sounded more kitten than person.

 

You will rise and sink in an ocean of emotions, go with it, cry when you need for no reason and laugh when you can. Some days will be calm and others chaos. Panicking is ok. Do not be lonely, call people you are not an inconvenience. Some are hit with waves of love that leave them breathless others with whispers of doubt and fear. You will feel more level and like yourself again soon, you made a person it’s going to have consequences. If it doesn’t, you have not failed, ask for help or ensure someone else does for you. I rang my midwife one day when I was too tired to lift myself from the bath and asked her to come get Leo, she could keep him…I just needed to sleep, she could give him to someone else. She came and held him whilst I had tea and toast. I of course did not give him away but it shows my desperation.

Rest when they do, seriously put the bloody hoover down. If you can get dressed and put on lippy hats off to you, if you want to wear pyjamas for three days them bloody well do it. Whether boob or bottle talk to them whilst they feed, trace every line in their face and enjoy those times when they sleep on you. You will be encouraged to do things one way, or another, this is best…no that is best, don’t use a dummy, don’t formula feed, don’t this…do that…everyone is different find your own rhythm. Though you probably don’t need all those toys and products you brought..that bumbo he hated..that night light he hated…that special all singing all dancing chair..he really bloody hated. Don’t worry if lots of bits wobble.

You will make mistakes. You are scared to let people know, don’t be.

You are amazing even if you feel far from it, you can eat snickers for breakfast and burn the dinner. Don’t be embarrassed if your boobs leak in public or if your child Exorcist vomits on the bus. Do not listen to people who unkindly think they know better. The first time I shakily walked to the post office new baby in buggy, breathless and anxious a lady in the post office told me I shouldn’t have brought him out because it was a hot day. He was 7 weeks old, had a sunshade, a fan, sun lotion and a vest. I had tried so hard. I left the queue and wept in the street.

Shh mummy don’t cry.

A mummy’s love is so tired that its eyes are gritty, so great and protective that some nights it watches them sleep as a moses basket feels like a threatening thing, it’s a love that will break and build a person.  It’s a love for a lifetime…

I will see you for a cuppa tea in five years’ time!

Below is an awful but hilarious video of me a month after Leo was born I sent to my friends to make you feel better about yourselves….(Pre-blog quality film!)

My lovely friend Ellen wrote a fab post on what a new mother really needs, think it follows perfectly!

https://babiesbiscuitsandbooze.wordpress.com/2016/04/02/8-things-a-new-mum-really-needs/

 

Pink Pear Bear
Pink Pear Bear

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Keep Calm and Carry On Linking Sunday

  32 comments for “A note to a new mother. Mum to a mum.

  1. November 7, 2016 at 11:04 am

    I think this is lovely, and I want to thank you for being so honest. Not enough of us are honest about how bloody fucking hard this is sometimes. I know I wanted to give both of my babies away more than once, but the second one especially. Last night I was fishing shit out of the bath and I wondered what on Earth my life had become. But there’s nothing quite so fierce or all-consuming as the love I feel for my children.

    You’re doing an amazing job. X

    Like

  2. June 4, 2016 at 6:10 pm

    Utterly beautiful. I have so much love and respect for you, I don’t think you realise how many mums this will help! I’m sorry to hear that those tough days, were literally so tough for you! That lady in the post office is a silly old bat! You are a fantastic mother! And your little man is So lucky to have you! Big hugs and love as always!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. riverswritesblog
    June 3, 2016 at 6:40 pm

    This is beautifully written. I’ve been a mum for 10 years now and I still have the ‘perfect’ mother dancing round and taunting me in the mirror. You’re right though, you can’t compare yourself to fiction!x

    Liked by 1 person

    • June 5, 2016 at 8:18 am

      That is such a kind comment thank you, I think we all need to get rid of mirrors! There is definitely no perfect 🙂 xx

      Liked by 1 person

  4. June 3, 2016 at 10:27 am

    Jade, this is beautiful. I would have loved to have read this in those early months when everything was so overwhelming and I often found myself crying as quietly as I could so Emma wouldn’t notice. And the video is just brilliant – you’re so funny, I would have definitely come and babysat gorgeous Leo 😉 xxx #triballove

    Liked by 1 person

    • June 5, 2016 at 7:58 am

      Oh you would make the best babysitter ever, I am a rambling sleep deprived mess in the video but it makes me chuckle..and hope cheers up any new mummy’s that are wearing three jumpers and haven’t brushed their hair in days..xx

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Pen
    June 1, 2016 at 8:29 pm

    I loved the sleep deprived and slightly delirious video.

    You are absolutely right about everyone having an opinion on how you should be bringing up your baby. I remember being told (by my now ex mother in law) that I should not be breast feeding in public, by the man in the local corner shop that the banana that I was eating was great nutrition and a good example for my baby (lucky I had finished coffee and the mars bar when I entered the corner shop), that I should be doing this, that and the other. It was horrible. I never felt so judged and such a failure.

    Things are a lot easier now and I love being Cygnet’s mum (he is now 21 months). I feel more confident in by ability as a mother. I am far from perfect and I know that those mother who appear perfect are just hiding it very well or are just not ‘real’.

    I do miss those early times though. I wish that I was able to experience them and actually enjoy them rather than feel like I was failing at every turn.

    Thank you for this post. I really enjoyed reading it. Pen x x

    #KCACOLS

    Liked by 1 person

    • June 2, 2016 at 2:10 pm

      Thank you for such a heartfelt comment my love. It is a rather haggard manic me wearing three jumpers…I miss those early days too, your little one is still so small its a lovely stage 🙂 and little boys and mummy’s have a v special bond..xxx

      Like

  6. June 1, 2016 at 7:57 pm

    I really needed this -my baby is due in August. Great post
    #kcacols

    Liked by 1 person

    • June 2, 2016 at 2:11 pm

      Congratulations!! Enjoy it and dont let anyone make you feel bad. You will be amazing even when you dont feel it, eat all the chocolate biscuits you want xxx

      Like

  7. June 1, 2016 at 4:27 pm

    A very beautiful post. All of these things are still fresh in my mind and i’m going through them as well with my 4 month old. No matter how tired you are its all worth it xx

    #KCACOLS
    #Triballove

    Liked by 1 person

  8. June 1, 2016 at 2:42 pm

    Oh this is just fantastic… It sums up perfectly how I felt in those early days-confused, exhausted beyond anything I could comprehend, wanting to cry at absolutely everything for no reason at all, the feeling of failure… Just all of it! I really wish I was reading blogs as a new mum, because I’ve read some brilliant posts since I’ve started blogging, that would’ve helped me so much in those dark early days, and this is one of the best. I really wish that people would think before they speak too-the lady who told you that you shouldn’t have taken Leo out, was so rude and inconsiderate-I wish people like that knew the impact their words have on vulnerable new mums, not just at the time, but even years down the line. I hope this helps every new mum who reads it. The video is brilliant too!! It did make me laugh, but just sums up how manic the tiredness can make us become!!
    #bigpinklink

    Liked by 1 person

    • June 1, 2016 at 4:33 pm

      Haha the video cracks me up, I realised I am wearing 3 layers of jumper as I was having the joyful after having baby hot and cold sweats. If I can make one new mummy feel better I will be happy xx

      Like

  9. June 1, 2016 at 5:51 am

    I loved this, my youngest is 5 and it is amazing the things we go through, miss, forget, and think wil matter. A great post for all the new moms and mommas to be. As the mom of a 15 year old boy, hold on tight Mama, the time flies and one day you will wake up and he wont snuggle you anymore, or want to just hang out. Instead he will leave a fog of axe spray as he walks by, and girls will be calling! #KCACOLS

    Liked by 1 person

    • June 1, 2016 at 12:31 pm

      That is such a beautiful comment thank you, 15..I am going to get all the cuddles I can¬I dread the day the girls start calling!xx

      Like

  10. May 30, 2016 at 7:38 pm

    This is so lovely – it took me right back to those newborn days, feeling like you’ve turned your whole world upside down, like you’re doing everything wrong, like you’ll never be able to do this. But it all comes, all becomes easier, and before you even realise it, you’ve become more confident in yourself, in your baby, and things are easier, smoother, and even fun! I hope that new parents come across this, it’s lovely! #KCACOLS

    Like

  11. May 30, 2016 at 2:29 pm

    So lovely, and I really really hope a new mom comes across this.
    I remember the newborn days. I had literally no idea what I was doing. His first bath at home took over an hour because I was so scared I would break him, or he’d slip under water, or some other awful outcome would happen. I absolutely loved the video-such a cute, yet honest video about the tough parts of motherhood. Thank you so much for sharing! x #KCACOLS

    Liked by 1 person

    • May 30, 2016 at 4:14 pm

      You are very welcome thank you for such a wonderful comment. I was frightened first bath as well! Its a good video to look back on! Makes my son laugh xx

      Like

  12. michelleag2016
    May 29, 2016 at 8:49 pm

    This is truly lovely and it made me a little teary as it took me back to those feelings of being not quite good enough for my daughter, of getting things wrong. I look back now and think ‘what were you worried about?’ but at the time I felt it was tough going. I am sure new mummies would benefit from reading this x #KCACOLS

    Liked by 1 person

  13. May 29, 2016 at 1:22 pm

    aw this is lovely. It is so important to take your time in the early days and enjoy your baby. thanks so much for linking up to #KCACOLS hope to see you again next week

    Liked by 1 person

    • May 30, 2016 at 3:17 pm

      Thank you for your lovely comment 🙂 I wish someone had told me to take more time when the baby was born x

      Like

  14. elituesbay
    May 28, 2016 at 10:24 pm

    Such a tender post! Absolutely loved it and the video 🙂 we all need those words, all mummies.. Second-time mummy here and I still wonder sometimes what am I doing.. Hehe.. Xx

    Like

  15. May 28, 2016 at 10:00 pm

    I remember people saying to me rest when your baby does. I didn’t get it at first but you soon wise up! #KCACOLS

    Like

  16. madelinelittlejohns
    May 28, 2016 at 9:30 pm

    I wish I’d had this to read when my first was born, I really think it would’ve helped. Just knowing that other people feel the same way as you makes a big difference. x #KCACOLS

    Like

  17. May 28, 2016 at 8:04 pm

    Oh my goodness where do I start?!!! Your video made me laugh so much. Your writing is beautiful and poetic and amazing, I could read things you’ve written all day. This post will make new mums feel like they are not alone, like they are doing ok. It’s so crazy and I genuinely don’t know how you and other parents have done it alone! This made me cry and to a mum who is 6 months in, which is quite a while, and very very nearly dropped her baby on his head today (managed to catch his legs, fucking terrifying, please don’t call social services) I needed this tonight. To the woman who told you it was too hot to bring your baby out you should ask her what mothers are supposed to do when it’s hot, cold, when they have to feed their babies? Are we really expected to stay in our homes EVERY DAY?! Anyway I am ranting. Love this and you! #triballove

    Oh and thank you for the link to my post! Xx

    Liked by 1 person

    • May 28, 2016 at 8:09 pm

      I love your post I wish everyone I know had read it before I had Leo! I remember when Leo first rolled off the sofa onto cushions and I had a meltdown! I also love your rant, feels like a protective tribal cuddle…thank you for such kind comments as usual my darling I am truly flattered xx

      Like

  18. Rachyroo
    May 28, 2016 at 8:02 pm

    I really hope new mummy’s and mums to be read this blog, it’s brilliant! Love the video, actual coffee beans to eat!!!

    Like

    • May 28, 2016 at 8:07 pm

      Haha thank you I was like no one needs to see that but it always makes me laugh looking back I am haggard and rambling but they are happy memories!x

      Like

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