“MUMMY. I am going to poo in my Spiderman onesie.” The power battles of a five year old.

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This is what came out of my beautiful blue eyed boys’ mouth the other night. It was bedtime, no actually it was 45 minutes past bedtime and Leo and I were in a Wild West type standoff. No firearms, just the imminent threat of poo. In short, he needed the toilet, would he go to the toilet? No, because the seat was colder that he would prefer it to be.

A better mummy would have sweetly got a hairdryer and warmed the toilet seat up straight away. I, being tired after a long day marvelled at my sons ridiculousness, got down to his level and calmly said, ‘darling if you need a number 2 it is important you go or you will hurt your tummy.’ Then put my hand on the toilet seat just to demonstrate he was talking utter crap.

He crossed his arms resolutely. ‘No it’s cold.’

I then decided this must be one of his many ploys to not go to sleep, like, ‘mummy my duck is speaking to me’, or ‘my socks are on backwards’, or ‘there is a monster dog called Harold in my cupboard’. I felt a little bubble of mummy frustration brewing, I was desperate for some peaceful adult time where I could stare at the wall with a cup of tea. I picked him up, carried him to bed and whispered, ‘Ok if that is your choice darling, it is bedtime’. Screaming erupted, it is surprising how someone so small can make such an outrageous noise. Thank god our house is detached.  Writhing and complaining he needed a poo I tucked him in and sung his favourite lullaby…again. I backed out of the room and went and sat on my bed, waiting, knowing, resigned that tonight was going to be a battle.

For two minutes there was no sound, then came the creak of his cabin bed accompanied by Leo pitched growling. He stomped to the landing and shouted, ‘but I need a poo!’. Like it was my fault. Poo guilt. I dragon breathed through my nose, ‘then take yourself to the toilet love and then go back to bed. You are a big clever boy you can do that.’

NOOOO its cold, I won’t, I am going to stand here and poo in my Spiderman onesie.’

 

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The kid had me cornered, I felt terrible that if I put him back in bed he may be lying there desperate for the toilet, so I did not want him to put him back under the covers. I also did not want to have to change the darn covers at half eight at night. ‘Come on I will come to the toilet with you.’ No that didn’t work either so I just put him on the toilet. All hell broke loose, he shouted at me like I had done something unforgivable. Time to problem solve…I then held him above the toilet. The response… ‘Noo mummy I cannot poo like that!!!!!’

He had sucked me in, power game ahoy. I just wanted him to poo and sleep. He wanted me to warm up the toilet and win. We were both cross at each other. It went on for at least 15 mins, me reasoning gently with him spiralled into me half shouting half pleading, almost crying because all he needed to do was just poo and he would be happy. Sometime in this I pulled my trousers down and sat on the toilet for about 5 minutes to warm up the seat. Nope, not good enough. FFS.

Aaa

I then left him in the bathroom as I knew I was giving him too much negative attention. I could hear angry sobbing from upstairs as I hid, head in my hands on the bottom step. I called up and suggested he hold himself above the toilet. I think by this point his need to go overcame his stubbornness and he did it. I know this because he shouted, ‘I POOED ON MY HAND AND IT IS YOUR FAULT.’ Then I heard a bit of a splash and his panicked sound. I vaulted the stairs two at a time.

He had got himself stuck in the toilet and was crying. I picked him up, washed the poo off his hand and gave him a cuddle. ‘Good boy, great pooing,’ I said with mock cheer. He gave me a death scowl. I tucked him in bed and he was asleep in two minutes. I felt entirely fraught after this recounting it to my Tribesters who found it hilarious, and because they did I was able to laugh too.

Spiderman was relieved this altercation ended well

If you liked this post and want some tips for how to encourage your little ones to sleep check out: Sleep. So your child doesn’t do it! A diabolical mastermind in a polka dot onsie.

 

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  59 comments for ““MUMMY. I am going to poo in my Spiderman onesie.” The power battles of a five year old.

  1. Morgan Prince
    June 3, 2016 at 9:59 am

    Oh hun what a struggle! I remember those times and although it’s tough at the time things do get easier… at least until they hit the tween stage! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • June 5, 2016 at 7:56 am

      Thank you for the lovely comment 🙂 Tween stage…hides under the bed..I think that may be the age he goes to live with nanny…x

      Like

  2. May 9, 2016 at 5:40 am

    I hope you grabbed something stronger than a cuppa after that?! You deserve an award of some kind for sitting on the loo to warm it! ⭐️

    Liked by 1 person

  3. May 6, 2016 at 11:39 am

    I found this hilarious and I have been in a very similair situation before but no poo involed! The wild west stand off where you dont want to give in and be seen to be weakbut you want the bloody confrontation to end quick! #stayclassy

    Liked by 1 person

    • May 7, 2016 at 4:20 pm

      I am grateful poo is not involved in your case! Haha that’s exactly it..sometimes I am just like..fine have what you want..but I am remembering this when you are 18!x

      Like

  4. agentspitback
    May 5, 2016 at 12:24 pm

    Oh boy, have I had these many battles too! There’s usually lots of crying and begging, mostly mine and then I give up in utter defeat. They test our boundaries and I am a chicken. I hear poo and I go desperately crazy! Good luck to you! Hope this never happens ever again. Thanks for making me laugh and sign with sympathy with me and for linking with #PasstheSauce

    Liked by 1 person

    • May 5, 2016 at 4:50 pm

      Hey beauty lovely to have you comment again, I said I would try and make you laugh!xxx

      Like

  5. May 5, 2016 at 11:34 am

    Oops #passthesauce too!

    Like

  6. May 5, 2016 at 11:32 am

    I’m loving the title of this blog post! I have to admire your tenacity and staying power. I do not possess such skills. There again none of my kids have threatened to poo in a onesie. Possibly because they don’t possess any? Their mother however has a onesie she bought in the kids’ department at Next! So far she’s managed not to poo init but has wee’d on the flipping sleeve. Sorry about the oh so late comment. #StayClassy #BigPinkLink

    Liked by 1 person

    • May 5, 2016 at 4:45 pm

      Haha well don’t you go threatening to poo in yours.. they are tricky things to navigate! Thank you for commenting my lovely x

      Like

  7. May 3, 2016 at 4:46 pm

    Haha children and their stand-offs! You didn’t tell us the bit where he pooed on his own 😂😂 xxx hand

    Liked by 1 person

  8. May 3, 2016 at 12:47 pm

    Hahaha! *trying hard not to actually laugh out loud in the middle of our ultra quiet office (mid lunch). I am sorry, but how hilarious is that! I feel your pain about bedtime excuses. We get this Monday – Wednesday night (makes no sense being specific days). All you can do is keep going 🙂 I applaud you for not giving in, especially with poo being involved :-p Best post I have read today! #Passthesauce xx

    Like

  9. May 2, 2016 at 8:10 pm

    Not so long ago this post would have horrified me…a whole post about pooh? leaving a child crying in a bathroom? whaaaat???? I am now totally on board. In fact, I’m in awe of your handling of the situation. I couldn’t be more impressed if I was the spiderman onsie myself.

    Liked by 1 person

    • May 3, 2016 at 2:50 am

      Yup I would never have dedicated a whole conversation to poo before..haha its a risky business being a superhero themed onesie..thanks for a fab comment xx

      Like

  10. May 2, 2016 at 5:38 am

    Oh bless you hun. I really enjoyed the live feed but I do feel sorry for you. Im glad he went to bed eventually… FYI poop on his hand not your fault lol
    #stayclassy

    Liked by 1 person

    • May 2, 2016 at 8:56 am

      Lol I totally didn’t poo on his hand..never..that would be weird. Lovely to have you over Tute’s ( that’s my new pet name for you..said like Toots..) 😉 xx

      Like

  11. May 1, 2016 at 5:35 pm

    I feel so guilty that I laughed at this! How did you keep a straight face? A heated toilet seat does sound amazing, if you find one let us know.

    #StayClassy

    Liked by 1 person

    • May 2, 2016 at 8:48 am

      My face I think was stuck in ‘whatthehell?!’Haha I will def let you know..I may have to cover my toilet seat in those hand warmers and see if that works…knowing him it will be too hot!!x

      Like

  12. May 1, 2016 at 7:43 am

    I pooed on my hand and its your fault – hilarious! Great post, I feel bad for laughing but it is very funny. Thank his he went straight to sleep afterwards! #stayclassy

    Liked by 1 person

    • May 1, 2016 at 12:00 pm

      Thank you for a lovely comment, don’t feel bad we need to laugh at these situations or we cry!xx

      Like

  13. April 30, 2016 at 7:24 pm

    Hahah I am laughing and slightly tearing up because this is so funny! I just told my partner your story and he giggled as well. What we have to look forward to! Sorry I know it probably wasn’t funny at the time but hopefully it’s funny now. I can just imagine the stand off in the hallway and him yelling “I’m going to poo in my Spider-Man onsie!” Thanks so much for sharing with #StayClassy!

    Liked by 1 person

    • April 30, 2016 at 8:03 pm

      I was so frustrated at the time, I asked my neighbour today if she could hear us..thankfully she couldn’t. The great thing about blogging is that you can share this after, laugh and it relieves the tension!!I will also look back on this story and show little man!xx

      Liked by 1 person

  14. April 30, 2016 at 12:22 am

    Haha! Oh good grief – what I have to look forward to in years to come! I thought toddlers were difficult! #bigpinklink

    Liked by 1 person

    • April 30, 2016 at 6:15 am

      Haha they are all difficult in their own wonderful unique ways..lol 5 year olds have toddler obstinate but with better vocabulary!!x

      Like

  15. April 29, 2016 at 6:34 pm

    aww this is so funny – I read it in-between gasping and jaw hitting the floor and lots of noooooooo! Can’t believe you don’t warm the seat with a hairdryer to be honest – call yourself a mother – unbelievable!! very funny post lovely #stayclassy

    Liked by 1 person

    • April 29, 2016 at 7:19 pm

      I will trade you one of your screen loving teens for my obstinate son!! Thank you for reading honey xx

      Liked by 1 person

  16. elituesbay
    April 29, 2016 at 4:25 pm

    I won’t complain any more that my daughter asks me to say the words “relax, just let it go” in a sweet still voice EVERY time she needs a number 2! Haha.. Good thing he didn’t poo on his clothes! Lucky Spider-Man 😉 X

    Liked by 1 person

    • April 29, 2016 at 7:18 pm

      That is a fantastic comment, what a sweety…hopefully she will stop that by the time she is 18!!xxx

      Liked by 1 person

  17. April 28, 2016 at 1:39 pm

    Oh no! This really made me laugh! The stubbornness knows no bounds!! He looks like SUCH a character, if it’s any consolation my kids are exactly the same!!! #stayclassy

    Liked by 1 person

    • April 28, 2016 at 5:46 pm

      Haha it is a consolation, I worry that mine is just a nightmare and everyone else has little angels..I love him dearly lol, poo and all xx

      Liked by 1 person

  18. twotinyhands
    April 28, 2016 at 12:46 pm

    Oh dear, but what about the ‘mummy my duck is speaking to me’? Surely there is another story there? Glad he slept in the end!

    Liked by 1 person

  19. April 27, 2016 at 8:06 pm

    Classic!!! I loved that you sat on the loo and he still turned his nose up haha #chucklemums

    Liked by 1 person

  20. April 27, 2016 at 11:12 am

    Ha it’s amazing the things they get into power struggles over.
    You could have had a heated toilet seat and I bet he would have found something else to give him a reason not to poo.

    Thankfully three children in and I’ve not had this standoff yet.

    Although there is one more to go and she is a brazen little thing, so there could be threats of pooing in princess onsies in my future.

    Liked by 1 person

  21. April 27, 2016 at 6:08 am

    Argh least he got there in the end, there is no way Pie would have done he would have pooped in his bed! I did have to chuckle when pooped on his hand and fell in the loo, gotta love being a mum right?! #chucklemums

    Liked by 1 person

  22. April 26, 2016 at 8:01 pm

    Laughed out loud to “Mummy i poo-ed on my hand and it’s your fault” – everything is our fault!!! I put everything down to tiredness now, tiredness gives my kids the complete unreasonables! The Spiderman onesie salutes you! X

    Liked by 1 person

  23. April 26, 2016 at 1:18 pm

    Oh my goodness, I felt every inch of your frustration!!!! It was hilarious, and a brilliant read, but I’d imagine absolutely 100% not funny at the time!! Neither of mine are toilet trained, but we have similar power struggles at bedtime with the eldest-the bath is too hot/cold/not deep enough, or his toothbrush has too much/too little toothpaste, or its burning his mouth(??) and I usually go along with it all, because I just want him to go the heck to sleep!!!!! If I don’t, he seems to have the ability to scream for infinity, and I do believe it’d go on for ever…!!!! Like you, I find the best way is to turn these events into a comedy blog post!!
    Thanks for bringing to #bigpinklink!

    Liked by 1 person

  24. April 26, 2016 at 12:44 pm

    Bahaha Mr Leo is going to love this when he’s older! I love me a log blog. Thanks for linking #chucklemums

    Like

  25. The Pramshed
    April 26, 2016 at 11:50 am

    Absolutely hilarious Jade! Such a funny read, I would have felt exactly the same as you. Claire X #bigpinklink

    Liked by 1 person

  26. April 26, 2016 at 10:44 am

    I can’t stop laughing!! My whole body is shaking 😂 this mylust have been so infruriating but as a tale to share purely hilarious! X

    Liked by 1 person

    • April 26, 2016 at 11:09 am

      It wasn’t till I was talking about it on Whatsapp that I realised this is my life and its funny, being a parent is hilarious and gross at times xxx

      Like

  27. April 26, 2016 at 10:38 am

    Oooooooo M LOOOORDYYY I am laughing and crying! Jeeezee I feel like I need to send you a virtual bottle of wine and chocolates as you handled that like a champ! This is a great poo story I have a few but way too scared to share lol great post. My fav today lol xx #bigpinklink

    Like

    • April 26, 2016 at 11:08 am

      Haha thank you lovely, believe my by the end I was like should I have just kindly warmed it up to begin with..but I was like nooo I am taking a mummy stand. Go on share the poo stories..its a safe sharing place 😉 xxx

      Like

  28. April 26, 2016 at 9:27 am

    OMG Jade! I go through stuff lime that all the time with my 3 year old! Problem is I’m as stubborn as he is – sounds like you are too 🙂 #bigpinklink

    Liked by 1 person

    • April 26, 2016 at 10:20 am

      Haha thank god I feel bad when I am like no, I am not going to let him get away with this..I am the mummy. I like that you are a stubborn mummy too!x

      Liked by 1 person

  29. April 26, 2016 at 8:55 am

    Haha, this made me laugh, great story #chucklmums

    Liked by 1 person

  30. April 26, 2016 at 8:47 am

    Haha I could hardly not click on this one with a title like that. Making the most of the time whilst my son just poos himself when he wants to.

    Like

    • April 26, 2016 at 10:18 am

      What is it with boys and poo..sigh….haha thank you for the comment lovely! x

      Like

  31. April 25, 2016 at 6:59 pm

    What a great title for a post! I’m glad it all ended well – well, as well as a poo-related standoff could end, anyway. 🙂

    Like

    • April 25, 2016 at 8:27 pm

      Haha thanks honey I thought I had better turn it into a post!Though I have just seen spelling errors….curses…x

      Like

  32. April 25, 2016 at 3:00 pm

    Oh this made me laugh, I know it wasn’t funny at the time but you write about it brilliantly. Really made me chuckle 🙂

    Like

  33. April 25, 2016 at 12:22 pm

    This made me laugh, they can be so stubborn. Our oldest son wet his bed on purpose because he wanted to wear some spiderman dry nights that we had lurking about, instead of his boring old plain coloured pants! Great post x

    Liked by 1 person

    • April 25, 2016 at 1:01 pm

      Haha they are so adorable and frustrating at the same time. I am buying a heated toilet seat..if they even exist!x

      Liked by 1 person

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